lessons in death

this week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me.

this past saturday i received news that one of my uncles (on my fathers side) had passed away. the news of his passing has devastated me to my very core. it has been some years since i last spoke with him, but my love for him has remained the same all these years. i spent a lot of my childhood years with him and his family and they truly are some of the best memories i have growing up. and now, that's all i have of him. memories and photographs. i am thankful to have known him and spent so much time with him. i will cherish those memories forever. i have chosen to stay rather quiet in talking about his death with people around me. i talked to a few people, but no one really knows what to say about it. i've become fairly withdrawn from everything. and i can only see it getting worse.

yesterday i got a message about one of my momma's best friends. she passed away this week as well. she had been fighting liver cancer for some time and although she fought long and hard, her body just could not keep up. all i can say is that i am so sorry for your loss and you are all in my thoughts.

having lost my momma three years ago this october, my heart just aches. people say it gets easier with time, that the pain fades and the tears will slow. i'm still waiting for that time. i don't foresee that time coming soon but i am okay with that. my momma and i had our fair share of disagreements and fights but we also had some pretty good times. i spent most of my adolescence and a good part of my early 20's being angry with her and i really wish that i could go back and change that. but most of all, i just wish that i could tell her one last time that i loved her. i didn't do that nearly enough while she was alive. but i say it everyday now that she's gone. the next few months will continue to be hard. in just a few weeks the anniversary of my grandmothers death will be upon us and only a few days following that, my son, the love of my life, will be turning 6.

but with joy comes sorrow. with life there comes death. and while i will be sad for a while, i must remember the good times. the laughs, the jokes, the smiles, the adventures had and the adventures still to come.

all of this just reminds me more and more that i need to live life to its fullest. to make the best of every single day that i have. and not take anything for granted, but at the same time, don't dwell on the bad stuff. continue to surround myself with positivity and get rid of the negativeness around here.

Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

RIP Kenneth Arneson October 18, 1961 - September 11, 2010
RIP Lori Marie Lundgren March 19, 1960 - September 15, 2010
RIP Bonita May Murphy December 26, 1929 - September 29, 2004
RIP Kimberly Ann Murphy December 30, 1964 - October 19, 2007