Since I haven't actually "officially" started my new diet, I figured I would start out with a few posts throwing out my background and history with my weight issues.
Looking back, I think if I remember correctly my weight problems started around the third grade. For as long as I can remember, my Father has never really been in the picture. And even though my Mother was always present, she's wasn't really "available". Throughout my childhood my Father made appearances here and there when he wasn't serving time in Prison. I think that missing those two vital sources of love and adoration, I turned to what would make me feel good...food.
After sorting through my memory and remember grade school pictures. I think I was always a little bigger than other kids my age. With the exception of Kindergarten. In 1st grade there was definitely some weight starting to pack on, a little more in 2nd grade and by 3rd, I was definitely "the fat kid." With my Dad not being in the picture, my Mom moved us around a lot. If I remember correctly, I had attended 10 grade schools before 5th grade. Knowing what I know now, the extra stress of being the child of a non-present single parent and changing schools so often, its no wonder I chose food to comfort me.
Through the years the weight continued to pack itself on. And I was forever dubbed "the fat girl." And as we all know, kids can be pretty cruel when you're not the skinniest or the prettiest. Needless to say, school was always pretty rough for me. Many times I came home from school crying because of the hurtful things that were said to me and about me. I remember one year in particular. I was in 7th grade and I think I cried every single day that year. I was called names relentlessly by classmates. Both in my grade and above me. Even just thinking about it now, it makes me want to cry. You name it, I was called it. The worst being "whale". In 8th grade I was dumped by my two best friends. They didn't want to be friends with a fatty anymore, so they ditched me to save themselves any further embarrassment.
Around 9th grade, the teasing started to sort of disappear. I had lost some weight at that point, but I was going through my "goth" phases which had started the year before. So now rather than tease me about my weight, they tossed in comments about my clothing and musical tastes. This is also around the time that guys finally started to notice me. Not the guys I was interested in though. In fact, it was the guys who had spent the past couple of years tormenting me, were now the ones trying to make-out with me in the baseball dugouts after school.
For the rest of my high school days I seemed to maintain the same weight and even through my first bout of college. I can't recall any drastic weight gains or losses. I was definitely still "thick".
And that's it for now....stay tuned for 2003 and beyond, when the weight really started packing on. Pregnancy, death, depression, etc.
