Lately I find myself overwhelmed with thoughts of my Mom.
I guess its because its been so long since she passed. I've always been scared that I'll forget the sound of her voice, her laugh, the way she smelled, the products she used. Not a day goes by that I dont think of her. I often find myself sad when thinking about her, but lately I'm remembering happier times with her and the crazy adventures we used to have. So to honor her memory and experience new things with not only I. but also R. (who unfortunately never had the honor of meeting Kimmy), I cook things she made, I buy the things she did and we go do things that I remember doing with her.
Today will be one of those adventures and its kind of bittersweet. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I know (although I. is really resisting the plan but he's 6, what can I expect?) it'll be fun no matter what.
One of my most vivid memories of Mom was the time her and I went Strawberry picking outside of Garrison, MN. I was about 11 or 12. All in all it was a horrible experience, but my mom made it fun. I only say it was horrible because the evening before we went my Aunt JoAnn told us that we should dress in jeans and long-sleeves because Strawberry picking is nothing but crawling on the ground in the dirt. So the next morning we got up bright and early, dressed in jeans and sweat-shirts and headed out to the field. We each got our own flat and rows to pick from. I remember my row going on for what seemed days. I also helped myself to a few huge berries from an older womans row next to mine, what?! The grass was greener on the other side haha ;)
About an hour into our picking adventure, the heat started to drastically increase and so did my breathinig. At that age I had severe asthma and being that I was already dressed too warm and the late Spring/early Summer weather was starting to kick in, resulted in a recipe for disaster. I became overheated, threw up, had an asthma attack and passed out. Go me! Obviously I was okay but I haven't been back to a Strawberry field since.
After my Mom got me home and I rested for a quite a few hours and rehydrated, I felt much better. And spent the rest of the evening helping her make Strawberry Freezer Jam. We spent hours washing, hulling, smashing, cooking and filling jars. But it was so much fun.
And now 17 years later, I'm about to do it all over again with I. and R.
Stay tuned for updates on today and this past weeks pre-op surgery adventures!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
worries concerns and a lot of omfg moments (pre-op update)
things are getting real folks!
this next month is going to fly by, it seems like there's a new set of appointments popping up every week. today i spoke with the insurance rep at the surgeons clinic and she went over what the requirements are. so tomorrow i will call the psychologists office to see about setting up an appointment for my psych exam and i will call the nutritionist to schedule an appointment with them as well.
all in all there's not a ton i need to do before surgery. its more or less a waiting game, which has given me plenty of time to freak myself out.
my biggest worry is because i've never had surgery of any kind. i've never been put under, i've never been operated on in any way (not even a tooth pulling or a broken bone). so of course i get scared that i'll be the one that doesn't wake up. i've gotta stop thinking like that. another one of my worries is how things will be after surgery. no matter what people say, surgery changes you. i know this and i'm trying to prepare myself for it. i'm not going to be one of those people that says, "oh i won't change, i won't change." its inevitable. it really truly is. how can you not change after having something so life-altering happen? i will essentially be losing an entire person from my body. along with that excess weight, an outpouring of emotions will join in on the fun. i'm sure i will have my fair share of breakdowns, but with those breakdowns triumphs will happen. and i can't lose focus on all the good that will come of this.
and then there is the issue of saggy skin. aside from plastic surgery, there's not much i can do about this. its all a matter of genetics and i won't know how good mine are until they've kicked in haha. i've heard various things from a handful of people, some bad some good. i've heard it all from, "oh you're in your 20's your skins gonna bounce right back!" and then i've heard the bad "oh yeah, you're gonna look like you're melting." gee thanks for that one! i guess for the time being all i can do is take everything one day at a time, there's no point in worrying about things that havent happened yet.
well thats enough for now. i have a physical scheduled for next tuesday and i'm hoping to get some blood testing done. i would like to have my thyroid checked out since i haven't had it checked since high school. tests always came back that everything was okay and normal. but recently i've read and heard that pregnancy can sometimes throw your thyroid out of check and who knows, maybe thats the underlying issue. maybe i wont need to have surgery.
we shall see!
until next week!
<3 ena
this next month is going to fly by, it seems like there's a new set of appointments popping up every week. today i spoke with the insurance rep at the surgeons clinic and she went over what the requirements are. so tomorrow i will call the psychologists office to see about setting up an appointment for my psych exam and i will call the nutritionist to schedule an appointment with them as well.
all in all there's not a ton i need to do before surgery. its more or less a waiting game, which has given me plenty of time to freak myself out.
my biggest worry is because i've never had surgery of any kind. i've never been put under, i've never been operated on in any way (not even a tooth pulling or a broken bone). so of course i get scared that i'll be the one that doesn't wake up. i've gotta stop thinking like that. another one of my worries is how things will be after surgery. no matter what people say, surgery changes you. i know this and i'm trying to prepare myself for it. i'm not going to be one of those people that says, "oh i won't change, i won't change." its inevitable. it really truly is. how can you not change after having something so life-altering happen? i will essentially be losing an entire person from my body. along with that excess weight, an outpouring of emotions will join in on the fun. i'm sure i will have my fair share of breakdowns, but with those breakdowns triumphs will happen. and i can't lose focus on all the good that will come of this.
and then there is the issue of saggy skin. aside from plastic surgery, there's not much i can do about this. its all a matter of genetics and i won't know how good mine are until they've kicked in haha. i've heard various things from a handful of people, some bad some good. i've heard it all from, "oh you're in your 20's your skins gonna bounce right back!" and then i've heard the bad "oh yeah, you're gonna look like you're melting." gee thanks for that one! i guess for the time being all i can do is take everything one day at a time, there's no point in worrying about things that havent happened yet.
well thats enough for now. i have a physical scheduled for next tuesday and i'm hoping to get some blood testing done. i would like to have my thyroid checked out since i haven't had it checked since high school. tests always came back that everything was okay and normal. but recently i've read and heard that pregnancy can sometimes throw your thyroid out of check and who knows, maybe thats the underlying issue. maybe i wont need to have surgery.
we shall see!
until next week!
<3 ena
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