motherhood....the six year retrospect

in only a few hours, it will officially mark the sixth birthday of my son.  iain michael burst into the world at a whopping 6lbs 15oz, late into the evening of october 1st, 2004.

it was at that exact moment, when his little body exited mine that i really knew what love was.  it was also at that exact moment that i knew my life would never be the same.  for nine months i carried this child inside me.  and finally i could gaze into his eyes.

i remember those first few days being rough.  i didn't have a particularly hard labor, but it wasn't without its complications either.  my epidural never worked, i couldn't push hard enough, iain was flipping with every push, i had the hardest time dilating and i was threatened with an emergency c-section more than once.  we returned home to my aunt and uncles home in westminster, maryland on a sunday.  that following morning, i brought iain in for his first official checkup and the heartbreak set in.  iain developed jaundice pretty badly, so we were re-admitted to the pediatrics unit.  the entire first week of his life, he was strapped to a bed under UV lights.  i wasn't allowed to hold him or nurse him for a whole week.  instead i was set up in a bed next to him, where all i could do was watch.  there was nothing i could do except cry.

five days later, i was finally able to hold my son.  we returned home again and began our lives as mommy and baby.

the years following iain's birth have been a constant rollercoaster of emotions and learning.  before i became pregnant, i had very little experience with children.  i had spent most of my teenage years telling people how much i never wanted a child.  i'm not sure when that changed, i suspect somewhere between 20 and 21, haha.  i mean, i was 21 when i got pregnant. 

somedays i think back to when he was younger and wonder how i made it through all that alive, haha.  we haven't been without our trials and tribulations, but all in all nothing has ever been more rewarding then being this kids momma.  he really is the light of my life, my one true love.  and nothing will ever change that.

being a mom, scratch that.  being iain's mom has taught me a few things:

- my love is never ending, runs deep and is unconditional.  not a day goes by that i don't shower this little boy with love and adoration.  i am forever telling him how proud i am of him and how much i love him.

- i am a strong woman.  no matter how much someone tries to break me or tear me down, i dont let it happen.  i show them exactly what i am made of.

- i'm a good momma.

- a smile from him can make the worst day melt away.

- cleaning and laundry are a never ending task.  i have learned to accept this.

- his laugh is contagious.


so with that, to my son.

i love you more than you will ever know.  i cannot believe that you are officially a six year old.  you're a big boy and you remind me that everyday, you're not a baby anymore.  but someday, you'll realize that you'll always be my baby. 

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.

happy birthday iain michael

have a wonderful birthday!!!

mommy loves you
<3