coming clean.

When I first started this blog a few years back, I had fully intended it to be used as a way to document my struggle with weight. If you go way back to some of the first entries, you can read a bit about my history with diets and being the fat girl.

In the past few years, I really got serious about my health and weight. It started with learning more about nutrition, what my body really needed versus what it didn't need any more of, what exercies were good, what I could handle and I went from there. Now let me say first off that dieting is hard and I've had my fair share of falling off the wagon (getting back on, falling off again and being ran over by the wagon). But I never let it get me down. I got right back up and dusted myself off and promised to try harder.

It seems no matter how hard I tried that the weight just wasn't going anywhere. Over the past few years, I've never been able to lose more than 20lbs on my own. I've been through every diet known to man and I've done some crazy things that I would not suggest to anyone. Never making much of a dent and eventually gaining back the few pounds I did lose.

So about a year ago, I gave myself an ultimatium: lose the weight yourself or look into weight loss surgery. After being the "fat girl" since about 3rd grade and being what the national health institute has deemed "morbidly obese", I knew that this was it. A year has passed and I've lost 20lbs over and over again, while gaining it back just as many times. It took a lot of convincing to get me to where I am today. But I know this is the right choice...for me.

Now I don't want anyone who reads this to think that I came to this conclusion overnight, because I didn't. In fact this has been something I have agonized over for years. It took a lot of research to finally get me to decide that, yes, this is right.  Don't get me wrong, I still have my hesitations but mostly they revolve around surgery.  I have never had surgery and the idea of being put under really frightens me.  But I'm trying to look at the positive side of things and all the good that is going to come out of this.  I guess its safe for me to say, I am not happy with my appearance or my weight.  I am not happy with the abuse my body is taking under all the excess weight.  So its time for a change.  I am still trying to lose atleast 30lbs before I have surgery, so exercise and eating right are a big deal to me and always will be.  I'm not looking at surgery as a quick fix, but more of a tool in aiding me lose the weight.  I will still be hitting up the gym, watching what I eat and permanently cutting the junk out (because I will have to, or I will become physically ill).  I'm not just losing the weight for myself, but for my family.  If I don't do this now, there's a huge chance where I could develop any number of diseases and I could die.  The thought of not being there for my son absolutely kills me.  I cannot and will not do that for him.  He is my motivator.

This past Monday I attended a weight loss surgery seminar that was hosted by Bon Securs. For over two hours I listened and read about three types of surgery offered. The pros, the cons and listened to stories of success, triumps and stories of failure. I asked questions, listened to others ask questions and got a good deal of information.  I finally decided on a newer surgery that is called Sleeve Gastrectomy.  With this surgery they will remove anywhere from 60-80% of my stomach after creating a new "sleeve" like stomach/pouch which will resemble the shape and size of a medium sized Banana.  Nothing will be re-routed and everything will stay intact, except that part of my stomach that will be removed. 

The seminar was the first step in the process.  Next up I will have a psychological exam, have a meeting with a Nutritionist and then finally, I will meet with my actual surgeon and get my surgery date soon after that.   In addition to those appointments, I will be setting up two additional appointments.  One with my regular doctor, to have a full physical and blood work done.  And the second one with my Gyno to discuss birth control options.   During the seminar it was stated that because I am of child bearing age, I need to do everything in my power to make sure I do not get pregnant for the first year and a half following the surgery.  If you follow me on Facebook or IAM/BME, you'll know of my struggles of trying to get pregnant.  I am hoping that after the surgery, when its safe (I will probably wait a few extra years) I will be able to conceive naturally. 

So thats it.  Thats the big secret and what all the cryptic messages have been about.  I'm not looking for your acceptance, your opinion on weight loss surgery (because I have fully educated myself and am completely aware of all the good and bad that can happen.  What I am looking for is your support.  Because I'm going to need all the support I can get.

ena
xxx



have you had weight-loss surgery? if so, i'd love to hear your story!

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