memories of mom

Lately I find myself overwhelmed with thoughts of my Mom.

I guess its because its been so long since she passed.  I've always been scared that I'll forget the sound of her voice, her laugh, the way she smelled, the products she used.  Not a day goes by that I dont think of her.  I often find myself sad when thinking about her, but lately I'm remembering happier times with her and the crazy adventures we used to have.  So to honor her memory and experience new things with not only I. but also R. (who unfortunately never had the honor of meeting Kimmy), I cook things she made, I buy the things she did and we go do things that I remember doing with her.

Today will be one of those adventures and its kind of bittersweet.  I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I know (although I. is really resisting the plan but he's 6, what can I expect?) it'll be fun no matter what.

One of my most vivid memories of Mom was the time her and I went Strawberry picking outside of Garrison, MN.  I was about 11 or 12.  All in all it was a horrible experience, but my mom made it fun.  I only say it was horrible because the evening before we went my Aunt JoAnn told us that we should dress in jeans and long-sleeves because Strawberry picking is nothing but crawling on the ground in the dirt.  So the next morning we got up bright and early, dressed in jeans and sweat-shirts and headed out to the field.  We each got our own flat and rows to pick from.  I remember my row going on for what seemed days.  I also helped myself to a few huge berries from an older womans row next to mine, what?! The grass was greener on the other side haha ;)

About an hour into our picking adventure, the heat started to drastically increase and so did my breathinig.  At that age I had severe asthma and being that I was already dressed too warm and the late Spring/early Summer weather was starting to kick in, resulted in a recipe for disaster.  I became overheated, threw up, had an asthma attack and passed out.  Go me! Obviously I was okay but I haven't been back to a Strawberry field since.

After my Mom got me home and I rested for a quite a few hours and rehydrated, I felt much better.  And spent the rest of the evening helping her make Strawberry Freezer Jam.  We spent hours washing, hulling, smashing, cooking and filling jars.  But it was so much fun.

And now 17 years later, I'm about to do it all over again with I. and R. 

Stay tuned for updates on today and this past weeks pre-op surgery adventures!

an update...of sorts! well really, just a bunch of rambling...

well, as you can see i have severely neglected my little blog this month.  november has been rough, health wise.  life wise, however, things seem to be falling right into place and i couldn't be more thankful for that.

a few weeks ago i came down with the worst case of pink eye i have ever encountered as it was making its way around the public schools and iain managed to bring it home with him.  pair that with an awful sinus infection and cough and i was out of commission.  and then this past weekend, iain got really sick.  a fever of 102 was followed by a trip to urgent care the very next morning where he was diagnosed with pneumonia and an ear infection.  so we have been battling that all week.  poor kid!  luckily the antibiotics seem to finally be kicking in and he is slowly back to his old crazy self. 

with all the illnesses we've been battling, i totally fell of track with my writing for nanowrimo!  i am totally disappointed, however, i think it was a great motivator to get me back into writing.  i found the inspiration i really needed to finally get a good idea together for a book and even after november is over, i plan on continuing writing it and eventually sending it off to a publisher.

and today is thanksgiving.  this will mark the fourth thanksgiving i have spent without my mom.  later on this afternoon we will head down to virginia beach to spend the evening with R.'s family.  and some other people i would rather not spend any time with, but i will have to suck it up and deal with it.

black friday....

this is the first year where i am actually really tempted to go out shopping before work.  yes, i have to work tomorrow.  thank you corporate america.  but hey, atleast they gave me christmas eve and new years eve off this year, usually they have us work til about noon both days.  anyway, like i was saying.  shopping...tomorrow...i kind of want to go.  sheets, pillows and other fun house stuff for super cheap, not to mention lots of toys and games for super cheap for the sidekick.  the downside of all that is the traffic, the crazy people and well the crazy people in large crowds.  this is something i am going to have to think long and hard about.

and finally this weekend, i will finally be hauling my butt to the movie theater to see the newest harry potter with a few of my favorite people and i couldn't be more excited.  even the sidekick may join in on the fun.


so in the grand tradition of school essays, here is a list of things i am thankful for this year:

- the partner in crime.
- the side kick.
- an amazing group of friends. (if you're reading this you probably fit in with this group)
- an amazing family that has taken me in as one of their own.
- my real family - the few i stay in contact with.
- despite recent sickness, i am thankful we are all here to see another holiday season.
- chapstick.
- good lotion.
- flat irons.
- and coffee.

happy thanksgiving everyone!  i'm off to watch the macy's thanksgiving day parade.

sweet november

well it appears as though we've entered into november slightly ill, but i'm sure I. will be just fine.  it appears as though he's got a slight case of pink eye but luckily we still had antibiotic eye drops on hand.  so we've been hanging out in our jammies all day, watching movies (addams family!).

halloween was a success for iain.  although many people didn't know what/who he was, he had a great time trick or treating and hauled in a bit of candy.  after sorting through everything (I. has a severe peanut allergy, as well as a sensitivity to red dye) and check everything, he still had a huge amount he could snack on this year. 

i did however notice a few things this year which made halloween a little less exciting for me.  less and less people are celebrating (decorating and passing out candy), 85% of kids costumes have no creativity behind them.  maybe its my age, or maybe its just this area.  there's always next year though.  i have big expectations for next year though, haha.

for the month of november i have decided to participate in the NaNoWriMo (www.nanowrimo.org).  i started writing my novel this morning and so far i am pretty excited with what i've come up with so far.  more to come on that later as well as a few photos from last night, as i didn't take nearly as many as i have in years past.

happy november!

motherhood....the six year retrospect

in only a few hours, it will officially mark the sixth birthday of my son.  iain michael burst into the world at a whopping 6lbs 15oz, late into the evening of october 1st, 2004.

it was at that exact moment, when his little body exited mine that i really knew what love was.  it was also at that exact moment that i knew my life would never be the same.  for nine months i carried this child inside me.  and finally i could gaze into his eyes.

i remember those first few days being rough.  i didn't have a particularly hard labor, but it wasn't without its complications either.  my epidural never worked, i couldn't push hard enough, iain was flipping with every push, i had the hardest time dilating and i was threatened with an emergency c-section more than once.  we returned home to my aunt and uncles home in westminster, maryland on a sunday.  that following morning, i brought iain in for his first official checkup and the heartbreak set in.  iain developed jaundice pretty badly, so we were re-admitted to the pediatrics unit.  the entire first week of his life, he was strapped to a bed under UV lights.  i wasn't allowed to hold him or nurse him for a whole week.  instead i was set up in a bed next to him, where all i could do was watch.  there was nothing i could do except cry.

five days later, i was finally able to hold my son.  we returned home again and began our lives as mommy and baby.

the years following iain's birth have been a constant rollercoaster of emotions and learning.  before i became pregnant, i had very little experience with children.  i had spent most of my teenage years telling people how much i never wanted a child.  i'm not sure when that changed, i suspect somewhere between 20 and 21, haha.  i mean, i was 21 when i got pregnant. 

somedays i think back to when he was younger and wonder how i made it through all that alive, haha.  we haven't been without our trials and tribulations, but all in all nothing has ever been more rewarding then being this kids momma.  he really is the light of my life, my one true love.  and nothing will ever change that.

being a mom, scratch that.  being iain's mom has taught me a few things:

- my love is never ending, runs deep and is unconditional.  not a day goes by that i don't shower this little boy with love and adoration.  i am forever telling him how proud i am of him and how much i love him.

- i am a strong woman.  no matter how much someone tries to break me or tear me down, i dont let it happen.  i show them exactly what i am made of.

- i'm a good momma.

- a smile from him can make the worst day melt away.

- cleaning and laundry are a never ending task.  i have learned to accept this.

- his laugh is contagious.


so with that, to my son.

i love you more than you will ever know.  i cannot believe that you are officially a six year old.  you're a big boy and you remind me that everyday, you're not a baby anymore.  but someday, you'll realize that you'll always be my baby. 

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.

happy birthday iain michael

have a wonderful birthday!!!

mommy loves you
<3